This morning I resolved to stop reading blogs by other twin moms. All they do is stress me out and make me question everything. Why can’t I feel my babies yet, or I don’t look like she does, or any number of other things.
Not fifteen minutes after making the resolution, there I was reading another blog by another twin mom and feeling a little more stressed than when the day started.
The last two weeks have taught me the meaning of the word worry. I seem to worry about everything. Am I eating right; I am not getting enough exercise; is my mom ok; when will we get the bathroom done so we can sell the flat; and a million work worries.
I worry myself into exhaustion – and it’s not fun. It also makes me far less fun to be around, because I am distracted half the time and focusing on conversation can be really hard.
I must admit, my main concern (and its probably one I shouldn’t really have) is movement of the babies. Many moms say that quickening was a way they could tell everything was fine. At 18 weeks, with twins, most mums have already felt their babies moving, but not me. I have had strange sensations that I would like to attribute to my babies moving, but I am more inclined to believe that it has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I also know people feel movement at different stages. Any number of reasons may make it happen at a later stage, its just frustrating that I don’t have my own personal scope that can look inside and make sure that everything is ok. Trust me to not be normal.
Another issue that has come to my attention (thanks to blogs) is the potential for the leaking of amniotic fluid. Now I don’t think we have this problem, but since reading about it I find myself checking as often as I can to make sure it isn’t happening.
I think there is something about pregnancy that makes people (read: me) paranoid. I haven’t been this paranoid since I was a teenager partaking of some recreationals.
We have a scan next week, which should bring some peace of mind (at least for a week). But until then, I am trying very hard not to let worry take over – not sure I am winning.
One thing I would really like to start doing now, is buying stuff for babies. I want to buy a pram and cute outfits and stacks of nappies. But for now that will have to wait. Our home is a little too small and we need a bigger place before we start stocking it with more stuff.
I have dreams about how the nursery will look. At the moment, I love the idea of owls. Owls are wise and thoughtful, and I am hoping they will bring me some wisdom and calm when the babies arrive.
I guess I am also tired of waiting for things to happen. No matter how hard I try to get things moving, something gets in the way. But hopefully that hump will be hurdled soon and I can start spending money to my hearts content.
In the mean time, I just have to remember “its all a symptom of awesome” (source: my awesome husband)