I have never felt more helpless in all my life. My little Alexander is lying motionless in his cot, fiddling listlessly with his sheet. Today, he didn’t stand in his cot cooing at his brother; today he didn’t try and climb everything in sight.
My little Alex is running a terrible temperature. We are not 100% sure why, but the doctor seemed unconcerned. This horrible fever started yesterday and I immediately took him to the emergency room to get checked-up. The doctor believes its inflammation in the sinuses, but it seems so much worse. Maybe its because I am his mom and worried. But after a urine test and a once-over, that’s the doctor’s diagnosis.
Now he has an antibiotic, some nasal spray and a horrible suppository to try keep the fever down.
But until any of that stuff starts working, I can’t tell him that it will all be ok. I can’t let him know that he will feel better in the morning. It must feel like torture, there must be no end in sight of that horrible feeling of being superbly ill.
As adults we can rationalise that illness will pass and we will once again feel human. Babies don’t yet have that capacity.
Plus – this will be the second round of antibiotics in three weeks that this poor child will have been on. A few weeks ago, the paediatrician diagnosed a cold in both the boys. Just a few days later and it became a chest infection for Alex, Dylan followed a week later, but with a milder form – still both had antibiotics and parents had two really hard weeks.
Last week I took them back to the doctor to make 100% sure they were getting better, because they both still had a cough. Doctor said all is well, but they still had a little postnasal drip.
And now this.
I just want to scoop him up and make it all better, but I can’t make the horrible feeling go away – and it’s so hard.
My little Dylan has been a super star. With Alex super sick, Dylan has had to take a little bit of a back seat in the attention department. But he has really just got on with playing with his toys and being generally a really good baby. He is usually quite keen on getting attention, but has been really supportive of his brother. (I hope its not just coincidence, but I am not that naïve to believe it is anything but)
Both Jon and I are very tired though. Sick babies are exhausting – they sleep poorly eat worse and that worries the living daylights out of both of us – and that worry makes us (at least me) very tired.
I have also noticed that doctors are very unlikely to charge less for a consultation of two babies, even though it probably takes less time to examine the two boys at the same time, than it does to examine two patients in two time slots. But that’s a discussion for another post.
Right now, all I want is for the fever to break and my little Alex to start laughing again.